Elladan, Elrohir VS Merry, Pippin
by Aman'mai
Summary: Pretty much: Elladan and Elrohir find their match in Merry and Pippin during their stay in Rivendell. A few practical jokes later and you've got some grumpy, wet elf twins!
1. Introducing,,,

Elladan/Elrohir VS Merry/Pippin.  
  
A/N: I wrote part of this during a very boring sports "essay writing time" cos I couldn't swim! And, I had a legitimate excuse too! Ah wells . . . ended up being just a ten minute one page essay which, might I add, SUCKED! But I did hide a few discrepancies of my displeasure . . . :D  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Elrond slowly put his hands over his eyes- he could not look. It was just too much.  
  
Sneaking a look between his fingers he snatched a glance out of the window and down into the gardens outside where two hobbits lay a trap for his two sons who were plotting their own trap around the corner. It was hard not to give in to his instinct to cry out and warn them, for these hobbits were most likely more than they bargained for.  
  
He hid a smile that threatened to split his head in half, behind his hand and turned his attention back to the mass of messages that had to be sent to Lorien.  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
"No, no! Not there! Now, look. See? Tie it here," Merry pointed out to Pippin.  
  
"But won't the net just stay where it is then? We want it to go up," the other hobbit asked.  
  
"No! It'll go up! Trust me! Now . . ." the hobbit smiled smugly to himself, "where are they?"  
  
The two hobbits soon started arguing again about the different angles of the pulleys and where the rope should be tied ("No, here!" "No, no, that'll make it go to the right!"). The hobbits' conversation softened to a whisper as the time for entrapment neared. You never know if they'd be around.  
  
"OK, I've tied it to the plank. What do I do now?" Pippin whispered excitedly.  
  
"Put the plank on top of where the net is. But hide it, mind! And don't set it off all you'll be in for a right treat, eh!"  
  
"I know, I know," muttered Pippin under his breath as he made his way to the centre of the path.  
  
Pip placed the plank as instructed and hurried back top where Merry had hidden behind a small bush to the side of the path, in perfect view of where their trap had been laid.  
  
"Quickly, quickly!" hassled Merry as they both knelt down behind the bush.  
  
A few moments later some voices floated past and stopped just above where the two hobbits hid.  
  
"My dearest brother . . . " began one.  
  
"But I am your only brother!" said another, much closer to the bush.  
  
"And Estel?"  
  
"Well . . . I'm your only brother here, am I not? Rallied the second voice, "Estel's gone off with the ranger's again . . ."  
  
"You could say that, you could say that," conceded the first voice, "But! And may I repeat . . . But! Dearest brother mine, which is so rude as to interrupt me . . ."  
  
"I do not interrupt!" Interrupted the closer of the pair.  
  
"I am sure you do not," murmured the first sarcastically, " you never interrupt! But! As I was saying . . ."  
  
"What were you saying, brother mine?"  
  
There was a huff of frustration.  
  
"There you are! You interrupted me! Again! And do not deny it . . ." the voice had the air of a finger wagging towards his brother.  
  
"As you say now, what will you were to say?"  
  
"That doesn't make sense."  
  
"You were going to say 'that doesn't make sense'?"  
  
"No, what you just said doesn't make sense!"  
  
"It doesn't?"  
  
"No."  
  
"What doesn't?"  
  
Another huff of frustration was heard only much louder this time as the first of the brother's became exasperated with the younger. It was followed by a long silence before one shuffled his feet nervously.  
  
"What were you going to say before anyway?"  
  
"Don't trouble yourself over it . . ." said the older resignedly.  
  
"No, really. What were you to say?"  
  
"Did you know, that you interrupted me so many times that I've forgotten?"  
  
"Really? Too bad. I was really interested."  
  
"Sure you were!"  
  
"I was!" the younger protested. Pippin couldn't hold it in much longer and let out a giggle.  
  
"Ah HAH!" Two pairs of hands grabbed the hobbits and lifted them out of the bushes. One of the hobbits was glaring murderously at the younger hobbit. They stepped back to admire their catch . . .  
  
SNAP!  
  
The four of them looked at each other, the shorter of the four looked much more worried.  
  
TWANG!  
  
The two brothers, paralysed with fear only a moment before, began to move towards the garden exit.  
  
THWACK!  
  
The net beneath their feet snapped up and entrapped all four. The elves looked murderously at the two hobbits.  
  
"How dare you . . ." began Elrohir but the rest of his sentence was lost as the net swung around on the tree.  
  
"I told you it'd go right!" shouted Pippin, forgetting his predicament for once over has excitement that he could correct Merry, "This is kind of fun, you know. Almost like . . ."  
  
Merry was whispering prayers to anyone whoever was listening up there.  
  
Elladan looked on in shock, "Oh, no! Please . . ."  
  
The net dropped.  
  
"For the love of . . ."cursed Elrohir, as he spun head first into the stream.  
  
SPLASH!  
  
The net rose again and moved back towards land. The elven rope slowly broke under the strain of two elves and a couple of hobbits (hey, there's a limit to everything, you know. Might have been a bit of shoddy workmanship . . . or imitation elven rope, you never know these days).  
  
All four fell to the ground with a heavy THUD.  
  
"Hah! That was your trap? Didn't even work probably judging by those little snickers we heard earlier," Elladan smirked with his brother, "You guys have no idea . . ." Elladan slowly trailed off as he realised there was more to come, judging by the half-worried, half-horrified, half-satisfied looks on the hobbits' faces which seemed to be slowly slipping into utter dread.  
  
The brother's turned as one and was met by the most horrendous fate that could have befallen them. Limp in a pair of knives was their hair.  
  
"My hair!" gasped Elrohir, grasping for his ponytail.  
  
"You little . . ." Elladan was already onto the hobbits who still stood rigid in stark terror.  
  
"RUN!" they both yelled together, in sync.  
  
They raced through the garden with the sons of Elrond Half-Elven hot on their heels.  
  
They ran around the centre tree, three times before the brother's split up, causing the hobbits to get frightened and turn around to end up smashing into each other.  
  
CLUNK!  
  
For a second the two hobbits stood dazed, and looked as if they were about to faint but soon recovered and ran for the hall, narrowly escaping the clutches of Elladan and Elrohir.  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
A/N: All enjoy? I don't know if I should continue these "Adventures" of the pairs of mischief-makers. Any thoughts? I always like to hear a bit of feedback in my reviews . . . I mean, I don't usually get any with the first chapter. And that makes me sad. Very sad. I'm still trying to decide if I'll make this a one-off or anything. 


	2. Operation R For Retribution

Elladan/Elrohir VS Merry/Pippin.  
  
Operation R for Retribution.  
  
A/N: Due to unforeseen demand of my many admirers (ok five, but that's enough to use as a basis for this, don't you think? Maybe I should wait til the weekend to post and then I'll get more people . . .) I have decided to write another of these little . . . encounters. Won't this be fun, eh? Please excuse my poor poetic ability in my lame imitation of free verse.  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Merry and Pippin shared anxious looks as they hid behind one of the large pillars in the Hall.  
  
Taking a few deep breaths, the two turned and walked calmly down the corridor.  
  
. . .  
  
At least, that was their intention.  
  
As planned they turned but they only got one step down the corridor before they were forced to halt in their tracks.  
  
And then they had to fall back on their tracks as they took in the full height of Lord Elrond, as opposed to just the waist down point of view. They couldn't help but admire once again the elven trait of pointed ears. They grinned as an idea struck the both of them at once.  
  
Elrond took them in suspiciously and didn't say anything until the vicious grins had faded to slight smirks.  
  
"And what are you young hobbits doing here, may I ask?" he said slowly, letting the vowels roll themselves out of his mouth and drop slowly down to hobbit level. Obviously he hadn't heard about the latest incident that had happened. The hobbit's sighed a sigh of sheer relief.  
  
"Nothing!" they said simultaneously, their eyes pools of simplicity and innocence.  
  
Elrond employed the eyebrows-lifting-unbelievingly-high-in-disbelief look as echoes of the twins' fruitless search echoed down the corridor towards them.  
  
"Anything to do with my sons dripping wet and half their hair missing?" he asked.  
  
The two halflings shook their heads quickly and started to skirt round the Elf Lord on opposite sides. Lord Elrond dropped his hands and caught the back of their shirts and brought them back in front of him quickly.  
  
"Where do you think you two are going?" he asked again, forebodingly.  
  
The two hobbits fidgeted beneath his gaze. Not just because they were literally beneath it, but also because they felt more than a little guilty and sorry about what had just happened.  
  
Sorry for the bit about getting caught, anyway.  
  
A shout echoed down the hallway.  
  
"Father! You've caught them! Don't let them go!" the two elves yelled, panting as they raced down towards Elrond.  
  
Elrond twisted around glancing left and right, looking for the hobbits that had just disappeared the moment his attention had turned towards his sons. His hands started to smooth down his robe agitatedly.  
  
The twins pulled up in front of their father.  
  
"Where'd they go?" they asked.  
  
Elrond hid a small 'Eep!' as he shrugged; the brothers shared a quick look of annoyance.  
  
"It won't take long, those damn hobbits! Father, you've got to do something about them!" they whined.  
  
Elrond shrugged again.  
  
"I can't do anyEEP!thing at the moEEP!ment. They are our guests, I'm sure you underEEP!stand."  
  
The brothers favoured their father a worried look, "You sure you're feeling well, Father?" asked Elladan.  
  
"FiEEP!" Elrond gave a slight cough "Fine . . . Just someEEP!thing caught in my EEP! throat . . ."  
  
The two brothers quickly took their leave to resume their hunt for the undersized pair (of hobbits, you dirty minded people!).  
  
"Did you think they'd find us?" whispered Pip to Merry who had also hidden underneath Elrond's flowing robe.  
  
"I find your lack of faith disturbing," replied Merry as he slipped out, hearing the twin's footsteps fade away.  
  
Elrond shivered.  
  
"That was terrible!"  
  
The hobbits grinned and ran off as Elrond was busy rearranging his robe so that the material didn't feel like there were two hobbits hiding underneath, their hairy feet on his and every now and then their sweaty palms brushing against his legs to steady themselves without disturbing the fabric.  
  
Elrond shivered again, trying to ignore the paranoia creeping up his lack of pants.  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Pounding their way down a side passage the two hobbits were struck by something.  
  
Not struck as in a physical way of course, this is strictly PG and any violence would be terrible to the ratings, though what struck them could be arguably physical. But then, we need to keep this as 'general audience-d' as possible so it cannot have been something physical that had struck them. I suppose it could be called part hobbit intuition that struck them in the most unphysical way. We'll keep it at that, shall we?  
  
The two hobbits skidded to a halt as a smell reached their noses.  
  
They grinned at each other during the slight reprieve from their early morning constitutional and dove for the side door in perfect synchronisation, the effect spoilt only be Merry's unbalance and roll underneath the working bench, hitting a bag of flour but emerging unharmed but for the bag of flour looking the worse for wear with half it's contents slowly settling down on the room's inhabitants.  
  
Merry sat up looking like a ghost and made a little groan. The remaining elves in the kitchen scurried out of the room containing the apparition. Merry grinned as he realised what he had done.  
  
"Let's get to work," he told Pippin as the two lumbered towards the pantry in the corner, "Why don't you take the shelves whilst I do this? It'll be faster!" Pippin nodded and moved off, collecting an empty sack on his way.  
  
Looking in, any passing elf/hobbit/human/dwarf/random-attacking-orc/maia/a- variety-of-different-spawns-of-Sauron-and/or-Morgoth would have found two hobbits literally slipping over in drool as they took in the provisions in the kitchen. They were both scrambling to put as much food as possible in each of their sacks.  
  
Ten minutes later as the hobbits were making the agonizing decision on whether they should take Merry's favoured carrot or Pippin's "it looks like a mushroom, doesn't it?" they heard the dreaded, in time march of Elladan and his twin Elrohir come down the corridor.  
  
"Apparently, the cooks are afraid of some pint-sized ghoul near the stove."  
  
"Really? Are you sure they didn't see a second?" the evil grin that Elrohir smirked emanated into the kitchen. The hobbits froze, looking to each other.  
  
"Into the sacks!" yelled Pippin in a whisper. They lunged towards some sacks for each of them, smacking their heads together as they went for the same one. Merry gave Pip a look and found another. Soon, they had wriggled into the position of a very satisfied looking bag of potatoes.  
  
The twins' footsteps approached the kitchen door.  
  
"I can't see any ghost's around here," said Elladan loudly to his brother.  
  
"No, but look what we have here . . ." footsteps drew closer to Merry and Pippin's bags, a drop of sweat dripped from Pippin's brow, plummeting down onto his hand with a sickening splash, to Pip at least. It had sounded so loud!  
  
A snort came from above Merry's head.  
  
A whisper . . .  
  
"1 . . . 2 . . . 3!" the two hobbits were lifted into the air and swung onto the strong elven shoulders.  
  
They yelled. They kicked. The screamed. They fought. They made themselves as small as possible. They bounced. They hopped. They turned somersaults. They tried to choke their captors. They even tried singing. They bit as hard as they could through the thick wool but to no avail.  
  
Elrohir sung as he marched.  
  
"Oh I've got a lovely bunch of hobbits! Doodle di dee There they are a-sulkin' in a row! Duh dum dum . . . Umm."  
  
Elladan steeped in for his brother.  
  
"Slight ones, small ones some are plain overfed! Ohhhh . . . "  
  
Elrohir joined in with his brother grinning and swingling his arms wildly.  
  
"We've got a lurv-ah-ly bunch of hobbits!" they trailed off radiating pleased looks and smug smiles.  
  
"This is the song that never ends!" yelled Pippin, loud as he was muffled so it was more like "Fiss isda sontha nevends!"  
  
Elrohir made an exquisite bow to one of many wandering female elves.  
  
"Gyah!" squealed Pip as everything went from upside-down to left-to-right to something more like an introverted-dimensional-warp if he had known. A few minutes later the twins arrived at their destination and set the sacks down, but being careful to keep one hand tightly around the top.  
  
After much wriggling the hobbits settled down, listening for the slightest sound that would alert them to their fate.  
  
There was no sound.  
  
They strained their ears but nothing could be heard. Not even the gentle breathing of the two elves.  
  
A scrape.  
  
'Yes, there must have been a scrape!' thought Pippin desperately.  
  
A thud.  
  
'What now?' groaned Merry inwardly.  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
A/N: Oh yes indeedy! What now? Should I be so evil as to leave you hanging off the edge of this cliffhanger ready to rival those cliffs in the opening of Mission Impossible? A 'To Be Continued' so terribly worse then the one when Whitney is about to find out that Chad is actually her brother and that her mother had had an affair with the 60 yr old creepy millionaire next door? (Ok, so Passions is about three years behind the US, I had to use something . . . ) Or will I leave it as a 'give me more reviews or you shall never know what will happen' threat to frighten you into giving me more. MORE! Or is it something simple like 'I have no more brainpower. My creative and hyperactive other self has gone on holidays and so cannot write anymore, so much that my typos will get to the point where the words 'the' and 'and' are indistinguishable and that I have no idea what to do with these characters' just to have you write sympathy notes. Or perhaps that would be easier to achieve with an, 'I have too much homework, my teachers want to kill me in my sleep' tactic? Or even better, a 'my arms are too weak to write anymore because I have a crippling disease that will kill me with too much exertion' (maybe I should use that one with my PE teacher *g*) approach. Or maybe it's because I eel the need to update since it's been so long or perchance it's because I look at my Word Count on my trusty Microsoft Word and go 'wow. I wrote THAT much?'.  
  
And do you know what? I won't do either of those. I just wanted to get you worried . . . just to see how you would take it. *grins evilly*  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Hands were thrust into the sacks and a blindfold was tied over their eyes. Merry bit his lip and tried to look cool and collected.  
  
iSnip, Snip/i  
  
Cold steel passed by Pippin's ear.  
  
iSnip, Snip./i  
  
Curled hair fell to the ground.  
  
The hobbits didn't move.  
  
Five minutes later the 'Hair-Chop-Chip' deed was done but Operation R For Retribution was still in . . . err . . . operation.  
  
The hobbits had accepted their fate. It was part of the 'rules'. They had been caught, so they faced the consequences. There was always time afterwards for Operation Peg. Pippin nearly laughed as he thought of the upcoming potential of that idea.  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Pippin snorted.  
  
'You get caught, you face consequences,' was the rules. But they didn't mention this!  
  
The two hobbits crossed their arms in chorus and put on identical expressions of un-amusement.  
  
They were hanging upside down . . . in a most uncomfortable manner.  
  
E&E Associates cackled with glee below them.  
  
'Ouch . . .' thought Merry, but he wouldn't give the two below him the satisfaction of watching him squirm.  
  
He only wriggled a little bit, to get a bit more comfortable but the elves below him howled with mirth so loud that many others were emerging from their rooms to see what on Middle Earth was causing such a ruckus.  
  
A fair description of the scene can be illustrated thus:  
  
A garden of roses, the sweet smelling fragrances,  
Fill the air with sweet, ringing blossoms,  
Which caress the winds that flow into  
The Halls Of Rivendell.  
  
Twin sons of the Lord do much despair  
In delight. The fate of the two petite misfortunates,  
Hang above and under the sky of  
The Halls Of Rivendell.  
  
The painted faces, the Mohawk hair curled.  
The pink silk billowing around them,  
And the peals of laughter echoing through The Halls Of Rivendell.  
  
-Excerpt from The Book Of Rivendell, Eldrith Mesnawéth 


	3. Flashes of Random Characterizations

Elladan/Elrohir VS Merry/Pippin

Flashes of Random Characterizations.

A/N: Yes! I have reached 22 reviews (so what if one person reviewed the same thing for half of them?) and have decided once more to continue this little, heh heh, plot. It's a small thing that isn't just for the sake of updating, no really! It's more of an introduction to everyone. It will be mainly Merry and Pippin playing pranks on mainly the twins but I thought we should have a bit of variety.

Oh yes, this is a very, err, wacky (if that's the right word) chapter.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Merry and Pippin could be found sitting behind two large mugs of ale that had been especially brewed for them after the very embarrassing incident in the pink silk. Many elves still giggled or at least showed some sort of amusement when they saw the two hobbits and they needed something to help them get back at the brothers. For now, Operation Peg would have to be pt off. They would need a new plan, Elladan and Elrohir weren't the only ones to be at the end of their pranks.

"So, how are we going to do this, Merry?" asked Pippin after a long draught of his ale.

"Shh, I'm thinking."

Pippin waited.

"So?"

"I'm thinking music. You can sing, I'll play the guitar."

"And then?"

"Shh, I need to think."

"Hey Merry."

"What, Pip?"

"I'm hungry."

"Shh, I'm thinking."

They sat in silence for a while.

"I'm thinking Strider," said Pippin.

"Hmm." They grinned.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

_There you see her__Sitting there across the way__She don't got a lot to say__But there's something about her__And you don't know why__But you're dying to try__You wanna kiss the girl _

Merry and Pippin hid behind an extra large and wriggling fern, one holding a guitar, the other crooning the backing vocals.

Both were eyeing the two lovers standing on the bridge and grinning though still managing not to laugh out loud and break the "mood".

The man had taken the woman's hands in his and they were looking deep into each other's eyes.

_Sha__ la la la_

_My oh my,_

_Looks like the boy too shy . . ._

_He ain't gonna Kiss The__ Girl_

They whispered words of promised love to each other, moving closer and closer together . . .

_Sha__ la la la_

_The music play,_

_Do what the music say_

_You gotta, **kiss the girl**_

The lovers leaned closer, their lips touching.

**_Kiss the girl . . ._**

"Dammit, Pippin!" yelled Aragorn, whirling around.

Pippin and Merry sprang up and grinned at Aragorn and a shocked looking Arwen.

Aragorn leapt over the bridge and used the stepping stones to chase Merry and Pippin who by now, were racing into the Great Hall.

"Now you've, missed the girl!" yelled Pippin over his shoulder at their now tomato faced pursuer.

They continued through the kitchens, scaring the poor cooks and throwing their arms against the benches, spilling everything on the floor. Diving through an open window they rolled and persisted in running on through the gardens.

Aragorn roared from behind them

But all the two of them did was cackle as they clambered over a wall and into the next garden, sprinting over a rose bush and through an innocent hedge. They ran and ran, until they were certain Aragorn had given up.

"I love this!" exclaimed Merry, as soon as he'd reclaimed his breath.

"Heh heh heh . . ." Pippin laughed sinisterly, "Heh heh heh . . . uh oh."

They jumped up as they saw Elrohir advancing.

"Estel has told me what you two have been up to. Evidently, your previous punishment was not enough."

Pippin ran his hand through his mohawk styled hair.

"I quite liked this, it gives me a bit of a 'punk' look, no?" he asked.

A growl broke out from behind them. They spun quickly and dodged a cuff from Elladan.

"Never one without the other, eh?" smirked Merry.

They looked carefully at one another as the twins were politely confused.

The hobbits nodded.

"What are you up to?" asked Elrohir suspiciously.

"Te audire no possum. Musa sapientum fixa est in aure," replied Pippin. 

"What?"

"Illiud Latine dici non potest!" said Merry. The twins' heads swivelled to look at Merry.

Pippin grinned, "Cave canem." The twins looked at Pippin.

"Where?" said Merry looking around. The twins looked back to Merry.

"What gibberish are you speaking now?" asked Elladan, starting to get dizzy.

"Fiat justitia; ruat coelum," murmured Merry and Pippin looked up, shaking his head.

"Si vis pacem, para bellum," Pippin said.

"Proximo sed nolo fumigare," replied Merry crossly.

"Damn."

Elladan and Elrohir watched all this as if they were watching a tennis match but lunged suddenly as Pippin and Merry made a break for it and disappeared into the distance.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Arwen was annoyed.

She was quite angry in fact.

And the pimple on her nose wasn't helping, either.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Boromir rode in amazed. The poems back home would never have done this wondrous place justice.

He looked at the huge trees and the greenery that surrounded every nook and cranny. 

Dismounting he led his horse to the stables and proceeded to remove the saddle and blanket and brush it down, he had ridden it hard these last few weeks.

"Excuse me," he said to a passing elf, "Would you mind taking me to Lord Elrond? I am Boromir, son of Denethor, the Steward of Gondor. I wish to speak with him."

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Frodo woke with a start and smelled an odd whiff of strawberry scented shampoo. The last few days were hazy; all he could remember was a swift ride and an elf . . .

Opening his eyes he saw Gandalf smoking his pipe amiably to the right of his bed.

"Gandalf!" he said, trying to sit up.

"Hello, young hobbit," Gandalf smiled down at this charge.

Sam charged in.

"Mister Frodo! Your alive!" he hugged Frodo so tight that Frodo's eyes slightly bulged.

"Hello, Sam," gasped Frodo, "Good to see you too!"

Sam let go, his eyes brimming with tears.

"I'm so glad your alive Mister Frodo! It's been terribly boring without you . . . well, except for Merry and Pip."

"Enough of that," interrupted Gandalf.

"What's happened? Are we in Rivendell? Why weren't you at Bree?" Gandalf held up his hand to the barrage of questions coming from Frodo.

"You were lucky to survive that is what happened. Yes we are in Rivendell. I will tell you of what has happened lately." 

Which was exactly what he did.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Legolas smiled happily.

He poked the statue.

It was to be an interesting time in Rivendell .The council, the Ring. Oops, he wasn't supposed to mention that.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Pip and Merry's conversation was in Latin (weird and out of it, I know, but I needed a bit of wackiness for this chapter, and I've been having a tendency towards Latin sayings lately….) and in order of appearance was:

I can't hear you. I have a banana in my ear.

You can't say that in Latin!

Beware of the dog.

Let justice be done; though heaven shall fall

If you want peace then prepare for war.

Close, but no cigar.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

A/N: Now that thee hath read all, I charge thee with the quest of clicking thy mouse over the button that doth spake "Go!", thus revealing the hidden window of light where thou shalt write. Thou must write of this reading, in honest terms, though shalt not go 'lol' thou shalt not NOT clicketh 'Go!' and shall go past it in thy hope of good.  Thou must clicketh 'Go!' once, not twice. Three times be right out, unless thou wishest to review for each chapter writeth. Thou must not forget to click 'Go!', for with thy memory lapse thou shalt deprive thy Authoress of her happiness. Her Happiness be part of her Craziness. Her Craziness be part of her writing. Methinks, thou must clcketh 'Go!' soon lest her Craziness depress.

Thankees!


	4. Act I: Peg Purgatory

Elladan/Elrohir VS Merry/Pippin  
  
Act I: Peg Purgatory  
  
A/N: Watch out, I'm listening to Aqua and Tripod. This can't be good. 32 reviews and still climbing! Yay! *is happy* Am v. happy. Wish I'd thought of the Very Secret Diaries first . . . also, am high on salt and vinegar - not good, I think. The statue thing is something I just had while I was typing a number of chapters at once. You'll find it mentioned in two other of my stories if you read 'em. *winkwinknudgenudge*  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Merry and Pippin could be found hiding.  
  
Which I know is probably not really a surprise for our readers as they have found the two of the lovable hobbits hiding from some livid man/thing/elf that is turning the household of Rivendell upside down in their search for justice.  
  
At the moment it was, again, the twin sons of Elrond himself.  
  
Merry and Pippin were on the roofs of Rivendell, their hands busy with the machinations that would eventually carry out their ultimate prank.  
  
"The prank of all pranks is at hand!" cried Merry, lifting the contraption aloft.  
  
Pippin's eyes filled with wonder as he beheld the most promising object he had ever thought to see.  
  
"But will it work?" he asked his friend.  
  
Merry shook his head at Pippin.  
  
"You must have faith, friend. It will work," Merry grinned and the setting sun's rays glinted in his eyes and teeth, "It will work very well. Now all we need are a few finishing touches . . ."  
  
A sun also caught the brilliance shining from their carefully wrought piece of mischief. It seemed to smile merrily at them and encourage them that this must be the best plan the two of them had ever hatched.  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
The twins were just then, complaining to their father.  
  
"But father, they . . ."  
  
"No more of this!" commanded Elrond, he had soon become exasperated with his sons' antics and the pranks of the two hobbits.  
  
"You will ignore them, you will not endeavour to find a way to venge yourself."  
  
"But . . . our hair!" cried Elladan forlornly.  
  
"No buts! I am sick and tired of the four of you turning my house into some sort of a crazy, untamed . . ." their father struggled for words in his fury.  
  
His face had slowly turned beet red, noted Elrohir, but he tacitly decided not to mention this fact, or let his joy of seeing it be revealed on his face.  
  
"Father, you surely cannot demand that we do nothing while they run amok in your household," Elrohir reasoned amiably.  
  
"I don't care anymore! I will deal with them momentarily. You have no reason to take these matters into your own hands. Do you know what they did to Arwen this morning?"  
  
The twins looked at each other and then back to their father, shaking their heads.  
  
"They led her to believe that a blemish had appeared upon her nose, it took all of my and Aragorn's assurances to convince her that it was but a trick of those halflings and keep her away from the murderous feelings she beheld for the two."  
  
Elrhir couln't help it, and snorted.  
  
Elladan stupidly took his brother's lead.  
  
"Bet Aragorn helped a lot." He nudged his brother suggestingly.  
  
Elrond threw up his hands despairingly.  
  
"Here I am, trying to talk some sense into you and you throw it back into my face! Get out! Both of you! And don't let me hear of any more disturbances!"  
  
The brothers walked out and as soon as they were out of hearing they collapsed into helpless laughter.  
  
"I was still thinking Aragorn when he said 'disturbances," eruptedElrohir between a fit of giggles.  
  
Elladan nodded breathlessly.  
  
"Come on, I'm not going to look like this before the Prince."  
  
"Good heavens, no! We'd better get going, I'd hate to have him see us like this. We'd never hear the end of it from the prissy mouth of his."  
  
The twins took off, heading downstairs, unaware of the mischief-makers sitting above them on the roof.  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Merry finished off the finishing touches on the contraption.  
  
"How are we going to get them close enough for it, but?" asked Pippin, gazing wonderingly at the object in question.  
  
Merry thought for a moment.  
  
"When they're asleep?"  
  
"They still lock us in our rooms after dark. I checked last night. Plus, how would we know if they're asleep or not?"  
  
"What do you mean, Pip?"  
  
"Well, elves sleep with their eyes open."  
  
"Do they? Where'd you learn that, then?"  
  
"I noticed a bit of drool coming out of Elrond's mouth when we were trying to explain to him that we'd meant to go fishing but the twins had upset our plans and that . . ."  
  
"Yes, yes, I remember. He was asleep?"  
  
"I'd know that blank look anywhere - Gandalf uses it when the Sackville- Bagginses are lecturing him, and I'm sure I've seen Bilbo doing it a fair bit too."  
  
"Hmmm." Merry mulled over this new piece of information.  
  
"Do you think Gandalf would do it?" he asked his cousin.  
  
Pippin gave him a fair imitation of Elrond's eyebrows.  
  
"Ok then, scrap that plan."  
  
They waited in silence together. Silence, apart from Pippin doing a 'tick- tock' noise on the roof of his mouth. He was about to accompany with a feet drumming the roof in a drum roll when Merry yelled at him to shut up.  
  
So then, they waited in silence together.  
  
Pippin started whistling the twilight music.  
  
"Hey, Pip?"  
  
Pippin broke off in his whistling.  
  
"Yeah, what?"  
  
"You've given me an idea."  
  
"Aliens are too far fetched. They wouldn't believe some LGM's telling them to . . ."  
  
"No, no! We've got keep them dazzled, spiff 'em up with the deer in headlights look somehow . . ."  
  
"How?" Pippin questioned carefully.  
  
"Their hair . . . they would . . . hmmm . . ."  
  
Merry went into a thoughtful silence as Pippin fidgeted. His cousin would think of something and he was sure he was getting a glimmer of what he was planning soon enough.  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Elladan and Elrohir were, at that moment directly below them albeit, a few floors down and several rooms to the right.  
  
"My hair! However shall I get it back to what it once was?" moaned Elladan.  
  
Elrohir meanwhile picked up one of the many magazines the salon provided and flicked through it lazily.  
  
"I say, Arwen's not top notch anymore. Legolas seems to have bypassed her to the "sexiest elf" in Middle Earth. She'll be impossible after this, I'm afraid."  
  
"Forget Arwen!" whined Elladan, "My hair! What about my hair?"  
  
Elrohir grinned at his twin.  
  
"Would you stop blathering on, it'll grow back."  
  
"It took me three centuries to get it like this!"  
  
"Then wait a few more centuries and it'll be as good as new," retorted Elrohir, "Now, I was thinking that these little halflings really need to be taught a lesson. We can't let them going around with all these pranks in mind terrorising half of Rivendell while the other half are laughing so hard their locks fall out."  
  
"Will you stop it about the hair? It's bad enough as it is!" moaned Elladan.  
  
"Oh, quit it. Who cares about your hair? It looks fine."  
  
"I care about my hair!"  
  
"There's your problem. Stop caring and it'll get better more quickly."  
  
"Will it?" a faint hope gleamed in Elladan's eyes.  
  
"Trust me. But, as I was saying, we must get these halflings to repent for there sins."  
  
"The one they did with Arwen was funny, but."  
  
"I suppose, how they did it with her mirror was ingenious, I admit. But our own pranks on our sweet little sister were much more . . ."  
  
"Ingenious?"  
  
"Exactly! And what's more, they seem to be stealing our mantel of people to avoid at all costs."  
  
"You know, I think your right about that. That princeling from the east actually tried to hide behind me the other day. I wish it had been him who'd lost the hair. I want my hair back!"  
  
Elrohir groaned. He'd thought he'd almost got through to his brother, evidently not.  
  
"How about we do something to them that'll make them squeal with horror as much as you did when you lost your hair?" Elladan was so busy trying to think about what they could do, he missed the jab about his non- masculinity.  
  
"We must get though to them through something they hold dear to their hearts . . ."  
  
"Food! They love food, we'll starve them!"  
  
"Elladan, this is a prank, not torture."  
  
"Oh."  
  
"What we need is something that will hold them from doing anything to us ever again."  
  
"But what about other people?"  
  
"We can do with a laugh or two every now and then."  
  
Elladan grinned.  
  
The twins settled back and started tossing up ideas between them, trying to think up, what Merry and Pippin would hate to lose. Something they would hate to have defiled in anyway . . .  
  
Elrohir looked to Elladan.  
  
Elladan glanced at Elrohir.  
  
And each saw in the other's eyes a plan was beginning to form . . .  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Merry and Pippin watched their quarry lean back into a hair rinsing bowl, their heads being massaged cautiously by a female attendant.  
  
Merry and Pippin grinned at each other as the attendant left the two elves to soak their head in the carefully perfumed water.  
  
The twins' faces were covered with facial masks, their eyes were closed, relaxingly.  
  
Merry and Pippin took a deep breath and went forward.  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
A/N: I'll leave it till the next chappy, eh? I have an optometrist appointment now, and if I don't update now, it'll be another week before I get round to it. Hope you enjoyed it, alls!  
  
Oh yes, one thing . . .  
  
*falls on knees hands raises pleadingly to the sky*  
  
Reviews! Please! It is the food of fanfiction! The energy, the inspiration, I call for reviews! Pleasing or otherwise! Please! I bed of you . . .  
  
*crawls into foetal position*  
  
THERE THERE  
  
Thank you, Shaitan.  
  
IT'LL BE OK  
  
I don't know . . . *clings*  
  
*GLARES AT READERS* SEE WHAT IT HAS DONE TO HER? SHE SUFFERS REVIEW WITHDRAWAL SYMPTOMS  
  
*looks up to Shaitan* It's not fair, no one likes me anymore . . .  
  
THERE THERE *PATS COMFORTINGLY*  
  
*sob* 


	5. Act II: Peg Purgatory

Elladan/Elrohir VS Merry/Pippin

Part 2: Peg Purgatory

A/N: Here's a belated second instalment for you all! I hope I didn't take too long!

(looking back on this, months after I'd typed only a couple of pages, I realise how stupid that sounds)

Merry and Pippin were ready to burst forth and take the elves by surprised before they were checked by one of the brother's getting up quite suddenly. They moved as one and shrunk back into the shadows.

"Something is not right, Elladan," whispered Elrohir to his brother, "There is a shadow here, I can feel it."

Elladan grinned, breaking the paste on this face for a moment and giving himself a very alien quality.

"Don't worry, those hobbits won't come around since that scare we last gave them," he said, lifting the cucumber off one of his eyelids and giving Elrohir a careful looking over.

Elrohir pursed his lips thoughtfully as he went over to the mirror and cleansed his face of the facial mask.

"You stay here, I have a feeling they're around here somewhere..."

Elladan shrugged and settled his hair back into the basin.

Elrohir stalked out of the room in search of the hobbits, which couldn't believe their luck. They could already hear Elladan snoring quietly.

"Painless, unfeelable and won't take two ticks!" whispered Merry excitedly.

Pippin began to tick again.

"Shut up! It's bad enough as it is to concentrate!" hushed Merry as he approached the lone, sleeping elf.

Tentatively, he lowered the device over the elf's ears, being careful not to disturb the hair.

It was done.

"What about numero due?" asked Pip.

Merry gave him a quietening stare and they both crept out to find a safe place to watch the latter events unfold.

"Hey Merry?"

"What, Pip?"

"There's no such word as unfeelable."

"Shut up."

"Hey Merry?"

"WHAT?"

"I'm hungry."

Elrohir quickly realised that the hobbits were nowhere to be found – but he wasn't really looking for them to get rid of them... oh no, he was going to try something. He'd gotten the idea not so long ago and he was already mentally rubbing his hands together evilly.

Elrohir was in the kitchens. Looking around and trying to work out how he was to accomplish what he had come to accomplish in a fashionable and accomplished manner.

He knew he had to work fast as the hobbits often would come round to the kitchens anywhere from between every ten minutes to every hour on the hour. Even if it _was_ only to just check on the food – most of the cooks would not let them past the door if it was during out-of-meal-times.

He had quickly given them all a good telling to. Apparently, his father wished to organise a feast and also wished to see them. Ah, good ole half-truths, Elrohir thought to himself, they were always the most believable. Elrond _did _want to organise a feast... but not for another month at least.

He moved to the pantry and looked inside. Hmm...

Picking up some sacks he began to shove some of the contents of the cupboard inside the first sack. The next delivery wouldn't come for a few more weeks. Elrohir snickered at the thought of the hobbits' faces when they realised.

Once the first sack was full, he picked up another and began moving through the kitchen, picking up every one of those vegetables of which hobbits hold dear.

Moments later, he was finished and not a moment too soon. He could hear the kitchen staff coming down the stairs, complaining loudly and muttering about how they would like to wring the neck of a certain young elf.

Ah well, he could always say Elladan did it, thought Elrohir as he smarmed quietly to himself. Hoisting the sacks over his shoulder he moved out into the gardens and found a spot to hide the sacks full of mushrooms.

Merry and Pippin were smiling to themselves; Elrohir was forgotten over the triumph of his still unconscious twin.

They were on their way to the kitchens when they noticed something... not quite right. Their button noses caught the air and they both took deep breaths before exhaling quickly to take another long... both sighed in unison.

"Mussssshhhhroooommmsssss..." they mumbled as they ambled towards the smell, "Mussshhroomsss! MusssssshROOMSSSSS!"

Coming to the kitchen, however. They found it completely empty of the staff. Looking around in bewilderment they began to hunt for the source of the odour. There were no mushrooms to be found.

They were ready to collapse with disappointment when the echoes of the disgruntled staff finally impeded on their senses. Their faces filled with horror as they heard the muttered curses. They made for the windows but it was too late.

"YOU! What are you two doing here?" the foremost elf of the crowd roared before the mass of pointy ears lurched forward and grabbed the hobbits.

"They ate all the mushrooms! You thieves!" came another voice from the back of the room. It sounded strangely familiar.

"Hey! You're right, the mushrooms are gone! And we don't get anymore quality ones till the next season! Another month away!" yelled one of the cooks.

The hobbits' eyes grew wide.

"Another month?" asked Pippin.

"You should have thought of that before you'd gone and eaten them!" challenged another of the throng.

"But we didn't!" squealed Merry as his leg as pinched.

"Sure, and I bet you didn't do this either!"

The crowd drew back to see who had said this to find Elladan standing vengefully at the door, posing as dignifyingly as he could with his hair purple and his ears...

"My lord!" the crowd gasped and bowed deeply. For once, Elladan seemed proud to be acknowledged so formally by his staff.

"You mongrels!" he began, pointing an accusatory finger at the two hobbits before being swept aside by his father.

"What is this I hear? Eating ALL of the mushrooms just before the feast? Just when I was planning to give you hobbits a treat..."

Elladan slumped as he realised the royal treatment had been meant for the actual Elf Lord behind him.

"Father, look what they've done! First they dye my hair and now they've..."

"My son, what is that on your ears?" Elladan stopped his tirade and put a hand to his ears self-consciously.

"What about..." Elladan's fingers traced the edge of his ear, "My ears!" The elf sobbed pathetically and fell to the floor, cradling his ears in the crooks of his elbows.

His head poked up to look at the hobbits that had forgotten their earlier predicament and were grinning at their perfect handiwork.

"Well," said Merry, "There are times like this when you can just look at what you've done and say ' I've done good'. And be proud."

"Yes," Pippin agreed, smiling happily, "I never thought they could be shaped like that but..."

The two snickered evilly as tears poured down the younger twin's face.

Elrond cleared his throat carefully and the snickering came to an abrupt halt.

"My lord?" the two asked innocently.

"Since this act of monstrosity you have committed against my son, I am forced to act myself... especially since you have now managed to destroy my hopes for an evening of plenty and joy." The Lord of Rivendell continued while the hobbits yawned playfully before disappearing.

Elrond lunged for them as they took off but to no avail. He sighed grumpily and led his contingent back to his offices to complete the afternoon's paperwork.

Elladan got up from his foetal position, still trying to massage his ears back into shape.

"Father!" he called to Elrond's retreating back, "My ears!"

"Just like your hair, I am sure it will... grow back," replied his father absently. Elrond had had enough of this mess, he needed to get back to the regularity of the office, and soon.

Elladan stood in the rapidly clearing room. The hobbits had already been found quickly and taken away by two of the Lord's retinue so now Elladan was alone with his anger and nothing to vent it upon.

Elladan was not the smartest in his family. He knew that. But he also knew how to string a plan together.

Being able to string a plan together and being slightly short of some sandwiches at the picnic, doesn't necessarily mean it won't work either. It just means, that these plans might head off in the wrong direction.

...

An hour later, the household could hear screams emanating from Elrohir's room where he had retreated for the afternoon – exhausted after his afternoon's pranks.

He soon came out, screaming for his father and clutching at his ears.

The hobbits below smirked in their respective cells. Even with getting one, they had still managed to get to the other's ears.

"Snh snh snh..." came a sinister laugh from the shadows.

Another joined this laugh and soon a cacophony began to climb until the guard's ran down the corridor, banging on their doors to get them quiet. The laughter simmered quietly, unnerving the guards. Usually they had to threaten them with starvation before they would shut up but now...

They went to the doors and unlocked them.

The sergeant groaned audibly and his lieutenants stepped back.

"I should have known," he berated himself beating his own head against the wooden door.

The lieutenants looked inside to find it empty and stones from the wall scattered through the room.

"But we didn't hear anything!" said one brave soul.

The sergeant looked to the heavens before facing his charge.

"Obviously you haven't had much experience with these two."

Merry and Pippin ran quickly through the underbrush, skidding to a halt when they came to a path suddenly. They dived back into the bushes before Aragorn came striding down the path again.

They managed to hear him mutter, "Where is that elf?" before he strode away again. The two hobbits waited until the dark menacing cloud that had lingered in the glade disappeared after Aragorn before they emerged.

"Are you thinking what I'm thinking, Pip?"

"I think I am, Merry..."

Both slapped their hands together and smiled evil little cherub grins before running off after Aragorn.

After quite some time, they managed to find Aragorn conversing with a familiar looking elf. They couldn't see his face because of a balaclava pulled over his head, but recognition registered as soon as they heard the elf's voice.

"I'm telling you, I can't let them get away with this! If father won't let me, I'll do it behind this mask..."

Aragorn held up his hands quickly and clapped them over the elf's mouth.

"I don't want to know. I have never known. I don't know you. I know nothing. Whatever happens, you know nothing either."

"Ché?"

"You know nothing!"

"No, no, I know! It's..."

"You know nothing!" Aragorn put his hands on the elf's body to force some sense in to him.

"But..."

"You know nothing, I know nothing! Say it!"

"OK, ok, I get it! I know nothing! You know nothing!"

"What do you know?"

"Nothing! I know nothing!"

"Good... good." Aragorn seemed satisfied, and so left the elf standing forlorn in the clearing.

Moments later, the depressed elf's head flew up.

"I know nothing!" he said to himself, "I _know_ nothing! _I _know nothing! I know _nothing_!"

He wandered out of the clearing mumbling to himself.

Merry and Pippin shared a look.

"Oops!" the balaclavad elf was back and skipping into the clearing once more, "I almost forgot to not hide something I know nothing about..." The elf grinned widely behind his mask at his personal joke. The mask threatened to tear itself off.

He went behind a tree and reached inside it's hollow trunk, pulling out a giant bag of ... the hobbitses noses twitched as they tried to restrain themselves form giving themselves away.

The bag was lifted from the hollow and then taken back into the centre of the clearing to where a hole had been previously dug.

"Up into the nothing hole!" sung the elf, tunelessly.

The bag fell into the hole, the hobbit's wincing as they heard it land with a thud.

The elf quickly kicked the dirt into the whole but stopped halfway through the job and leant down, his hand moving in the hole where the hobbits couldn't see. Then it was lifted out and to the elf's mouth. The hobbitses hopes came reality as they saw the elf chew thoughtfully and grin.

MUSHROOMS!

A/N: Hope you all like. I really should get A Place Of Her Own going again. I really like it. Bleurgh. Hate the senior ears of high school where avoiding work is impossible!


End file.
